


First we practice to deceive

by Akabit



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Accidental fake non-relationship, Darcy and Steve study science, F/M, Hijinks & Shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-13
Updated: 2016-02-13
Packaged: 2018-05-20 04:38:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5991940
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akabit/pseuds/Akabit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Darcy wasn’t an indecisive person.  She prided herself on her ability to decide what she wanted and go get it.  However her current situation was a bit on an exception.</p><p>“Ugh?” she asked inelegantly.  There was a high probability she had misunderstood the Black Widow’s words.</p><p>“Steve said you are beautiful and amazing.  If you are interested, you should make a move,” Natasha repeated casually as if the words weren’t completely shocking.</p><p>“Captain America knows who I am?”</p>
            </blockquote>





	First we practice to deceive

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ianthe (PaganIanthe)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PaganIanthe/gifts).



> Written for iantheswriting for the Darcyland Galentine’s Day Gift Exchange. I hope you enjoy this story half as much as I enjoyed writing it :-)
> 
> In my continuing effort to write all the troupes weirdly, I give you my take on Fake/Pretend Relationship. This fic was partially inspired by the tumblr post about what would actually happen if two people decided to fake a relationship.

Darcy wasn’t an indecisive person.  She prided herself on her ability to decide what she wanted and go get it.  However, her current situation was a bit on an exception.

“Ugh?” she asked inelegantly.  There was a high probability she had misunderstood the Black Widow’s words.

“Steve said you are beautiful and amazing.  If you are interested, you should make a move,” Natasha repeated casually as if the words weren’t completely shocking.

“Captain America knows who I am?” Darcy had seen Steve occasionally around the tower, but they had never been introduced or spoken more than a handful of words to each other. Obviously she knew who he was. Everyone who paid even the slightest attention to current events knew who he was.  She hadn’t though he remembered her from one meeting to the next.

Natasha eyed her up and down critically. “Yes,” she replied succinctly. Darcy decided she was flattered. Captain America wanted to hit this.  Because she was just that awesome.

“Are you going to tell me not to go after him unless I am serious?” Darcy asked cautiously.  She was more of a leap first and think later kind of girl.  Especially about relationships.  There were just too many variables until you got to know someone.  She would rather deal with minorly hurt feelings than overblown romantic angst. Getting to know Steve would be fun, but she couldn’t commit to anything before having a multi-sentence conversation.  By all reports, Steve was an great guy.  That didn’t mean they would be great together.

“Hardly,” Natasha said dismissively. “But there will be consequences to misleading him about the state of your feeling.”

“Sounds fair,” Darcy agreed easily.  Pissing off Avengers was a terrible idea and she was certain that Natasha wasn’t the only one who would object to someone breaking Captain America’s heart.  How had she ended up in a situation that this was even a possibility?  Darcy never doubted her hotness, but she knew that alone wasn’t enough to attract Steve.  Perhaps Captain Straightlace appreciated her irreverence and spunky attitude?

Darcy assumed that this would be the end of the conversation.  She didn’t need advice on how to approach a man. However, the Black Widow remained standing by her desk watching Darcy think with unreadable eyes.

“Look, I know that you think you can just stand there and I will tell you exactly what I am going to do because you are an expert interrogator and I’m terrible at keeping my opinions to myself. But I can’t tell you my decision because I haven’t make it yet.  Yes, he’s virtue incarnate and you can bounce a quarter off his ass, but he seems to be the relationship type. Being Steve Roger’s girl would be a serious thing.  Being swept off your feet by a prince or superhero is almost every young girl's fantasy, but this is real.  I daydreamed about a lot of things as a child that would actually make me seriously miserable. Like living on the moon or joining the circus.”

Natasha relaxed her posture halfway through Darcy’s monologue and quirked the right side of her mouth into a smirk. “You’ve never even considered it,” she declared confidently.

“Nope,” Darcy admitted. There wasn’t even a reason for it. She basically liked what little she knew of him.  It had simply never occurred to her.  Now that it had, she was thinking about it...slowly. It was easy to get distracted by contemplating the sexytimes that could accompany a relationship.

“Steve usually comes up to the kitchen after he finishes in the gym for a cup of coffee and a light snack,” Natasha informed her.

“What time?” Darcy asked pulling out her phone to add it to her calendar.  She saw no point in pretending she wasn’t going to meet him.

“Ten minutes.”

Darcy glared at Natasha before standing up and beginning to walk out of the room. “I’m taking my break,” she called to Jane who was working in the opposite corner of the lab.

Jane looked up and blinked in confusion to see Natasha in the room.  She had somehow managed to not notice their entire conversation. “Okay,” she answered vaguely and went back to work.

Natasha gave Darcy a little wave as she left.  It was probably a good thing there was no time to do anything special.  Her grand plan was to get herself a cup of coffee and strike up a conversation with Steve when he appeared.  If they crashed and burned, she could pass it off as a coincidence.  But when she got to the communal kitchen, Darcy discovered that some bastard had neglected to start a new pot of coffee after finishing the old one and a stack of dirty dishes sat next to the sink.  How hard was it to just put things in the dishwasher?  It literally took the same amount of time to set a mug in the dishwasher as it did to set in on the counter...unless the dishwasher was already full of clean dishes.

Darcy made quick work of setting things right.  By the time a pleasantly sweat drenched Captain America arrived, the dishwasher was running with a new load and the coffee machine was burbling.

“The new pot will be ready in a couple of minutes,” she informed him as casually as she could manage.

“Thank you,” he said politely and turned to watch the coffee pot fill.

“You should sit down,” Darcy suggested. She started running a sponge over the counter to give her hands something to do while shooting occasional glances at Steve. Subtlety was not her strong suit.  Before Natasha’s revelation, she hadn’t felt awkward in his presence. Not talking hadn’t seemed strange because they were basically strangers. Now she was failing at evaluating his boyfriend potential.

“Jane thinks the robot lizards you guys fought last week in New Jersey are powered by both sorcery and electronics,” she began.  Neutral topic of mutual interest acquired.

Steve considered her for a couple seconds before answering. “I’m guessing you have spoken to Natasha recently.”

“Yep,” Darcy admitted. There was no point in denying something he had already guessed. Steve was far more observant than people gave him credit for.

Steve looked tired and slightly ashamed which didn’t make sense.  There was nothing wrong with polite admiration of an acquaintance. Creeps were creepy, but Steve hadn’t done anything objectionable. Steve might be uncomfortable with the modern world, but he always seemed confident in himself and his choices.

“You made it up,” she realized. The expression on Steve’s face was all the confirmation she needed.

“Not entirely,” he said defensively. “You look swell, but I mostly wanted Natasha to stop trying to set me up.”

Darcy laughed as Steve blushed and looked guilty. She was delighted. “How did you fool her?  I thought she could always tell when people were lying.”

“I started watching you whenever you were in the room and she eventually confronted me,” Steve admitted.

“That’s perfect,” Darcy exclaimed. Natasha must have mistook his tells about lying for discomfort in revealing his feelings. It was flattering that he considered her the most plausible object of his affections.

“I would be honored to be the object of your tragically unrequited passion for as long as you want,” she offered. “Unfortunately, I can’t pretend to be oblivious.  We could have gotten a lot of mileage out of you pretending to pine and me being clueless.”

“You don’t mind?” he asked cautiously.

“Nope,” Darcy assured him.  The masquerade required no effort on her part. If she found someone else she was interested in, everyone would expect Steve to behave like a perfect gentleman so her future romantic options would be unaffected.  “I’m sorry she’s pressuring you.”

“Pressuring is too strong of a word,” Steve assured her. “I can take it.”

Darcy shrugged.  Steve was notorious for being able to handle all kinds of insane situations.  That didn’t mean he should have to in his personal life. “Just because she means well doesn’t make it any less annoying. I’m happy to help.”

“By rejecting my nonexistent advances and ignoring the situation,” Steve suggested.  He leaned against the counter with his arms crossed casually over his chest.  It was the most relaxed Darcy had ever seen him.

“I will play my role masterfully,” she promised. “We can be allies.”

“Or friends.” Steve looked at her with a hopeful expression.

“Definitely friends,” Darcy agreed. “Now, I’m afraid I have to return to the lab before Jane tries to submit her conference proceedings without me copy editing it.  The science goes over my head, but I can write shit.”  Steve looked a little shocked at her language and Darcy barely prevented herself from apologizing. She refused to change herself to appease a faked non-relationship.

“I don’t understand the science either,” Steve admitted.  “I have been trying to read some books that Tony recommended, but I think I need to start simpler.”  Darcy could only image Tony’s idea of basic science.  On a good day, she understood one word in ten of his technobabble.

“Jane gave me all of her old college textbooks,” Darcy offered.  She kept meaning to read them, but usually could only manage a couple pages at a time before falling asleep.

“Those may be above me as well. High schools teach a far higher level of math now than they did in the thirties,” Steve replied.

“If you choose to take those classes,” countered Darcy.  “I didn’t think math or science would be useful for political science so I took the bare minimum.  My internship with Jane started so that I could avoid taking a science class.”

“Didn’t exactly work out like you planned,” Steve asked with exaggerated sympathy.  Darcy could see a twinkle in his eye that belied his serious expression.

“Worked out way better,” Darcy declared cockily. “And you have just given me an idea.”  She looked up at him through her eyelashes. “Would you like to study science with me?” She purred as if she was suggesting something far dirtier than remedial lessons.  

Steve blinked and then smiled. “I would enjoy that.”

“Excellent.” Darcy held out her hand to seal the bargain and Steve shook it solemnly.  “The Lewis-Rogers school of science will have its first session tomorrow evening. I’ll bug Jane to get suggestions.”

Darcy grabbed a cup of coffee and walked back to Jane’s lab.  Since math was a weakness for both of them, they should probably start with one of the less numerically based fields.  Physics and Chemistry could wait until they had a firmer grasp of college level math.  Maybe they could work their way through pre-calculus on off nights.

“Jane, I need your advice,” Darcy announced as she entered the lab. ”Steve and I are going to study biology.”

Jane looked up with a startled expression. “I didn’t know you guys were so close,” she asked hesitantly.

“You don’t need to be best friends to be study buddies,” Darcy countered. “Most of my partners in college were basically strangers.”

“Fair enough,” Jane agreed.  “What do you want to know?”  

Darcy loved how Jane would accept her most outlandish plots and immediately become supportive.

“Do you have any books on the basics?” Darcy asked.  “I know there are a ton of resources on the internet, but a book with a recommended order of topics sounds easier and might be more comfortable for Steve.”

“Thor and I never used books, but we both had some experience before we started _studying_.”  Darcy was puzzled by Jane’s weird emphasis on the word ‘studying’.

“Yeah, because Asgard has the whole science/magic thing,” Darcy agreed.  “He just had to translate his knowledge instead of learning from scratch.”

“Hmm,” Jane mused.  “The internet probably has whole web pages devoted to recommending books for beginners.”

“Good idea,” agreed Darcy.  Search engines were her friends. “Maybe I could find some sites for homeschooling teenagers.  That seems like about the right level.”

“Just make sure the materials you find are secular” Jane urged. “Steve may be inexperienced and Christian, but that is no excuse for misinformation.”

“Cool, I’m off to do research.”

A couple hours later, Darcy had compiled a curriculum for the next month and ordered the necessary texts through Jarvis.  She was about to celebrate her victory with a nutritionally questionable snack when Steve dropped a book onto her keyboard.

“S.E.X.: The All-You-Need-To-Know Progressive Sexuality Guide to Get You Through High School and College,” Darcy read off the cover.

“Natasha just dropped it off,” Steve announced calmly.  Yesterday, Darcy would have sworn that Steve would be horrifically embarrassed by this type of situation, but now she suspected he was amused.

“Wow, the discussion I had with Jane makes so much more sense now,” Darcy exclaimed with a laugh.

“Why were you and Jane talking about my sexuality?” asked Steve with his most serious Captain America expression.

Darcy grinned, “I was asking her for advice on starting to study biology.  It looks like she thought I was asking something else.  I am going to tease her for years about her dirty mind,” Darcy crowed.  This was perfect.  If she had known how Jane was misinterpreting the conversation, she never would have been able to get through it with a straight face.

“We’re going to have to change our plan now,” Darcy continued.  “If the misinformation spread for Jane to Natasha in a single afternoon, we should probably just assume the whole tower things we’re sleeping together.”

“Tony tried to give me a high five on the way here,” Steve confirmed darkly.

“Your fake unrequited passion has just been upgraded to a fake relationship,” Darcy announced gleefully.  She thought that a better person would be annoyed or embarrassed, but the whole thing was too ridiculous to take seriously.  “No one will believe our denials anyway so let's just go with it.”

“Are you sure you don’t mind?”  Steve asked again.  

“As long as you promise me a quick and easy break-up whenever I want it, we’re good,” Darcy agreed easily.  There had to be multiple advantages to people thinking she was Steve’s girlfriend.  She hadn’t exactly figured them out yet, but then she had only considered the possibility for about four hours.  “I found some actual biology books for our study session tomorrow and a math placement test to figure out what topics we need to review.”

“Do you want to do the test tonight?” Steve asked. “Math has always been difficult for me.”

“So you won’t be able to think about anything else while doing it?” Darcy guessed.  Tony frequently groused about Steve’s habit of turning his brain off by abusing gym equipment.  Was math healthier?  

“And nothing bad happens if I fail,” Steve confirmed.  

“When I was in school, the teachers always said failure was impossible on placement tests,” Darcy countered as she printed out copies of the test.  “Which was complete nonsense because no one wanted to end up in the slow group. But we already know we are the least sciency people associated with the Avengers. So no stress.”  Steve gave Darcy a small smile and went to retrieve the pages from the printer.

By the end of the month, all the tower residents believed Steve and Darcy were in a serious relationship.  Steve and Darcy combined had put approximately zero effort into the deception. They hadn’t even bothered to lie.  When Tony trapped Steve, the morning after the first study session, Steve had solemnly stated that he refused to gossip about a lady.  Darcy took to naming the topics they had covered during their last study session in her most sultry voice.  This quickly made everyone, except Clint, stop asking.

Steve and Darcy met three evenings a week to study.  They would diligently follow their lesson plan for at least an hour before Darcy got bored and started trying to sidetrack them.  After she discovered Steve’s notebook, Darcy started choosing an item of pop culture to share with him.  She claimed it was their reward for studying, but really Darcy just enjoyed watching Steve experience her favorite things.  How often do you get to show Star Wars or Buffy to someone who is completely unspoiled?   The pop culture lessons naturally expanded into trying food from every ethnicity represented in New York and exploring the city.

Sometime Steve would have to reschedule at the last minute.  Usually, all Darcy had to do was turn on the news for an explanation.  Occasionally his missions were more mysterious.  She never asked.  If Steve wanted her to know, he would tell her.  Sometimes he did and sometimes he asked if they could skip science for an evening and watch something silly.  

Darcy and Steve might have a fake romance, but they had a real friendship that was becoming more important to Darcy by the day.  And she liked Steve.  Like really liked him.  He had started to figure into her naughty dreams and the occasional romantic daydream. She was tempted to just ask him out.  After all, the beginning of their relationship proved that they were excellent at turning awkward situations into an awesome friendship. However, she couldn’t think of any activity, besides sex, that would immediately clue him in that it was a date.  Dinner?  They did that weekly.  Movie or a stroll in the park?  Common activities.  

Just as Darcy was beginning to suspect she was going to have to bring up her feeling directly, there was a knock at her door.  On the other side stood Steve who was looking oddly nervous.

“Hey Cap?” Darcy greeted.  “What’s up?”

“Would you like to accompany me to Tony’s charity benefit next week?” Steve asked hesitantly.

“Sure, it showed up on my calendar this afternoon,” Darcy answered.  “I’m trying to convince Jane to go dress shopping with me.”  She figured a shopping trip would be the perfect opportunity to quiz Jane for date ideas.

“So you were already planning to go.”  Steve looked slightly frustrated.

“Yep,” Darcy confirmed. “But it will be more fun to go together. People probably expect it anyway.”

“This isn’t about other people.” Steve paused. “I would like to pick you up at your door, take you to a nice dinner, and then attend the charity benefit together.”

Darcy brinked. They had never been to a charity event together!  It would involve dressing up and dancing. That sounded like a date.  

“You are a genius,” she cried and launched herself into his arms.  If Steve was surprised by her behavior, that didn’t stop him from taking advantage of their new closeness.  He wrapped his arms around her waist. When Darcy tilted her head back to look up at him, he swiftly bent his neck to kiss her.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! All comments and questions are welcome. I also play on [tumblr](http://ankabit.tumblr.com/). Stop by and say hi :)


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